Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on? Do babies produce more spit than adults? How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes? Do cows have calf muscles? Why is shampoo clear but conditioner not? If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players? If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke? Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets? If you died with braces on would they take them off? If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time? Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters? If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself? Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot? Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread? Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher? Even when you have a low voice? How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown? Have ex-punsters been expunged? Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional? Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed? Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted? Have ex-bankers become disinterested? Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards? Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission? Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream? Don't you have to get up to get to the tape? Why is the word "abbreviate" so long? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto? Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same? Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor? Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC? Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light? Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one? Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after? Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? Why is a women's prison called a penal colony? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? Why don't you ever see baby pigeons? Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees? Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is? Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there? Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase? Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? Why do we have hot water heaters?