DEAR DIARY:

 AUG.  1 Moved to a new home in  Buffalo. It is so beautiful  here. The
 city is so picturesque. Can  hardly wait to see  it covered with snow.
 I LOVE IT   HERE.

 OCT.  14 Buffalo is the most  beautiful place on earth. The  leaves
 are turning all different  colors. I love the shades of  red and
 orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are
 so graceful. Certainly they are the  most peaceful animals on the
 earth. This  must be a paradise. I LOVE IT   HERE.

 NOV.  11 Deer season will open soon.  I can't imagine anyone  wanting
 to kill such an elegant creature.  The very symbol of  peace and
 tranquility. Hope it will snow   soon. I LOVE IT  HERE.

 DEC.  2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything  blanketed in
  white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside  and cleaned snow
 off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We  had a snowball fight
 today (I won). When the snowplow came by  we had to shovel the
 driveway again. What a beautiful  place. Mother Nature in perfect
 harmony. I  LOVE IT HERE

 DEC.   12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his
 trick again that rascal. A winter  wonderland. I LOVE  IT  HERE.

 DEC.  19 Snowed again last  night. Couldn't get out of the driveway
 to get to work this time.  I'm exhausted from  shoveling. Damned
 Snowplow!

 DEC.  22 More of that white shit  fell last night. I've got  blisters
 on my hands from shoveling. I  think the snowplow  hides around the
 corner and waits until I'm  done  shoveling. That  A**hole!

 DEC.  25 "White Christmas" my busted a**. Mother f----snow.  If  I
 ever got my hands on that son-of-a-b*tch who drives   that snowplow, I
 swear I will castrate the dumb bastard.   Don't know why they don't
 use more salt on this damned   ice.

 DEC.  28 More of the same shit last  night. Been inside  since
 Christmas day except for when "Snowplow  Harry" comes  by. Can't go
 anywhere. The car is buried in a  mountain of  white sh*t. The
 weatherman says expect another 10  inches of  this crap tonight. Do
 you know how many shovels full  of  snow
 10 inches  is?

 JAN.   1 Happy F--n New Year. The weatherman was wrong  (AGAIN). We
 got 34 inches of snow this time. At this rate  it won't melt  until
 the 4th of July. The snowplow got  stuck down the road and  shit for
 brains had the balls to come  to the door and ask to  borrow my
 shovel. I told him I broke  6 shovels already, shoveling  out the crap
 he plowed into  my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel  over his g-d-
 head.

 JAN.  4 Finally  got out of the house today. Went to the store to  get
 food and on  the way back a deer ran out in front of the  car and I
 hit it! Did  about $3,000.00 damage to  the car. Wish the hunters
 would have  killed them all  last November.

 MAY   3 Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you   believe
 the body is rotting away from all the g-d- salt they   keep dumping
 all over the roads. It really looks like a piece   of crap.

 MAY  10 Moved to Florida  today. I can't imagine why anyone in  their
 right mind would want  to live in God forsaken Buffalo,  New York.

 SEPT 7 Today  a hurricane came through and destroyed my house and  I
 Found my car 3 blocks away, totally destroyed. All of my  stuff is
 gone. I guess I should have stayed in Buffalo;  the snow wasn't  that
 bad.